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To the VeinTo the vein that wasn't cut
To everyone who called me a slut
Just let it be known,
I can stand on my own
Though I still have the need
I refuse to bleed
My scars haven't healed
but my wounds have all sealed.
I'm ready to throw out my blade
and to watch my deepest hurt fade.
For three long years,
my blood was my tears...
So To The Vein That Wasn't Cut
I am Enough.
I'll let goFar away you seem to me
Clouded thoughts and a tradgic melody
Lost and dispaired, that is all you are
Evil spreading through your veins like tar
The good ghosts decay inside of you
And only the pain and blood seems true
Abandoned, alone, they left you behind
You could change your fate, but you are blind
Deny all hope, deny all light
Until the hatred is justified
Kill your dreams and lie to yourself
Cut your skin and risk your health
Refuse to eat until you disapear
Create an apaology that's almost sincere
Fool yourself, fool us all
Destroy your body until you fall
Burn your soul, but keep in mind
That I can still see right be
Deserve to BleedYour words spread like wild fire
Attacking my bruised heart
Wrenching havoc on my tears
Destroying my petite wrists
They echo like thunder in my ears
It is a constant reminder
Of how I am not worth it
That I am selfish
That I am weak
That I am cowardly
And how I am meant to be alone
That if love ever dares to find me again
I should be crushed like all the times before
But what struck me hardest
Weren't the blows to my being
But how you said I deserve to bleed
The clouds are around me
I can touch them
Pillers of smoke
Reaching up into
There's no-one here
There's nothing here
Not a sound
Not even a whisper
No living thing
It's all white,
The most delicate
I never thought I'd make it
But I'm here now
And the clouds
As far as the eye
I'm so sleepy
I glance up
There's something coming
I sit up from my soft blanket
It's not right
Upsetting the balance
I yell for it to stop
My shout echoes in the space
But it keeps on coming
Cutters LullabyShh, its alright you can fix your heart tonight
Its better he's gone, feed your self that lie
Don't sit helplessly like a broken butterfly
You'll gain control through blood and knife
Etch it in, show your still alive
Make it fresh show your inner pain
Walk along the horrid memory lane
See it heal, watch it slowly fade
Let him go with the scars you made
Go to sleep with a heavy heart
Wish to be taken in from the dark
Nightmares creep in your head
Drown in self-drawn blood want to be dead
Awake the next day, hurt and torn
Same condition as the night before
What doesn't kill me...With every insult you made me stronger, you see?
Everytime your hand beat me as child
The bruises turned into thicker skin
Each time you told me I'm not worth a thing
I realised how much I am worth
You said I'm depressed and that made me happy
Said I won't be able to go this way I chose
But I mastered it
Any challenge you threw at me
Expecting me to go down
But I rose higher up
And lately, yes, I was breaking
Close to falling, but not just because of you
Out there is a life waiting for me
For me to create it and to live it with pride
I know how much hate waits for me
But I am fine
I'll be alright
In this awkward, hateful disgusting world
Crimes of the Compassionatethere is a bright side
but your eyes are clouded
with Cataracts of Pain
a wonderful memory
that leaves scars on your soul
but I know
where the Betrayal seeps
through your heart
Distance will Solve the Unsolvable
and we will emerge
With Sincere Regret.
I do admit
I have committed the crime
of the Fair and Compassionate.
DEPRESSIONIs there a reason why
Depression creeps up
I wish I could find
a way to make it stop
I love you and you know it
these feelings play tricks
they cloud your mind
with doubt I find
even of the things you know
No one deserves to be happier than you
So why is this what you must go through?
I feel your pain, I've been there as well
how can you break the chains
to bring back the happiness again?
You are not alone
You are loved by so many
but we cannot seem to find you in your dark cloud
In your depression you hide and we cannot pull you out
But then there it is, that glimmer of you
don't let this deceit pull you back into
HopeLet those unwanted memories pass,
And be positive and start anew
Forget the awful past,
And look forward to where you're heading to
Let us head towards the road of hope,
With a thousand doves passing by
In a vast field of withered grass,
Grows a sprout with utmost pride
As you mourn from a grave mistake,
Let me tell you about the box of Pandora
When you feel you are not worth a task,
Remember that everyone has his flaw
Never let the tiniest of discourages
Become a hindrance in your way
Instead of worrying and worrying,
Be happy, be gay
15. Silence - 300 Theme ChallengeAnd I'm perfect, but I'm dead, though the first one belongs to you.
And I'm crying, but I lie, because I do not want you to worry.
And you hurt me, but I ignore, the pain is worth the trip.
And I'm exhausted, but stand, for you to think me proud.
And I escape, as a secret, just to think my way through.
And I hate, but seen is love, so I can make it through the day.
And I hide, though so talked about, until eyes I do not recognize follow me.
And I smile, so I can't be questioned, every fucking day.
And I do whatever you want, so you'll be happy, though you'll never truly want me.
And I ignore, so you will follow, to keep you on your feet.
And my heart, its growing opposite, although I ignore the plea.
And as I write, the creases smooths out, this is how I live.
So please read each line carefully, so I can be somewhat herd.
And maybe forgiven.
Hold OnSeems like nobody cares anymore
Days go by and I am stuck in the same place as yesterday
Locked in this cage
In a endless loop of disappointment and lost
All I can do is to hold to the dream
Just hold on and believe
I know the road is hard but a day will come
Today may be long but tomorrow will come
I just need to hold and believe
Weeks have gone by
I still hold on
To that dream
But that dream went up into flames
I thought it will never turned this way
But all I can do is to hold on
What is left of me?
What I can pull out of this rubble?
Burned up in flames
A lifetime of effort, gone in a flash
I feel no pain or numbness
EngravedHe wrote his name on my heart
And claimed it as his own
My feelings, thoughts, opinions
They belonged to him
He took me under his control
Punished me when needed
Rewarded me when deserved
They told me to run away
But I couldn't
I loved him, see
Held me tight when I cried
When I was angry
When I was sad
When I was desperate
When I was hurting
He held me
He hit me
He kissed me
He bit me
But that's alright
Because he was as much mine
As I was his
Our names engraved on the other's soul
Not that SimplePlease,
Oh sure-and-stubborn teacher,
stop telling me
her death deserves no mourning.
It was a choice, yes or no
and it's all her fault.
It isn't that simple.
Don't look me in the eyes--
My eyes, that have seen my own blood
more times than I can count; eyes
that have closed tight as a knife was held
to my throat by my own hand;
eyes that read the labels on those bottles
wondering how many pills
would stop my lungs--
don't look me in the eyes and tell me
it's simply yes or no.
Gone, Gone, Everything is Gonegone, gone, everything is gone
even the nightmares have left me to go on
slice, slice, everything is silent
even the shadows leave me in the darkness
to fend for myself
done, finished, tired of trying
too hard to find something that will fight to revive me!
too hard to find something that just isn't there!
insult, injury, there is no hope
no one to save me, no way to cope
even my closest friends are now strangers
liar, liar, you promised you'd be there!
but you're just like the rest - pretending you cared!
and, just like the rest, you've left me as well.
When Will Tomorrow Come?Icy daggers stab straight at my heart,
Watching the bike-shed as lovers part.
Kids mounting bikes and sitting in cars,
I'm the dull knife and they the shining stars.
The pavement's hard under my feet,
Lining the length of the bustling street.
Everyone going on as though it matters,
When we all just end up in rotting tatters.
The bell has long gone yet I'm still here,
My thoughts turning to what most fear.
The loneliness festering in my guts,
The cold climbing my ribs like ruts.
The whispers come chaste and kind,
Whirling, dancing, playing with my mind.
They tell me to break free of Hell,
And fall under Death's dark sweet spell.
Emotions to bottleTake your pain and put it in a bottle,
push the lid down and put it on the shelf,
let it settle between sorrow and hurt,
collecting emotions to bottle them away.
What if I tore down that shelf and smashed the glass?
falling crystal tears or thundering shredded pain?
your anger and frustration set to fill the air,
taking away your oxygen and filling your head with pain and more despair,
your collected emotions set free.
Grab another bottle or three or maybe even five,
set them on the shelf and let them settle,
hide your feelings and lies and truths,
feel numb and feel nothing,
you just keep collecting emotions to bottle.
Keep in Touch!
`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More